Spend the Day with Someone You Love
by cresselia8themoon
Summary: It's a Murphy sibling tradition on Valentine's Day to kick back and watch the Dr. Zone Valentine special. Too bad Murphy's Law has other ideas! In the meantime, the Pistachio Protectors must deal with a new addition to the team.
1. The Trouble with Couches

Also posted to my Tumblr under tagged/spend-the-day-with-someone-you-love

Ch 1- The Trouble with Couches and Giant Holes

* * *

"Got the checklist?" Sara asked, excitedly clicking her pen.

"Right here!" Milo said cheerfully, pulling out a crumpled sheet of paper with a brown stain on it. "Sorry about the stain, I knocked over the coffee pot and the liquid got on the paper."

"Don't worry about it, Milo. Stuff happens. What's more important is making sure we have everything we need for our annual viewing of the Dr. Zone Valentine's Day special!" Sara threw out her arms for emphasis. "Let the checkoff begin! Exclamation point!"

"Clothing and accessories: Time Ape t-shirt, stopwatch hat, Dr. Zone hat, and Diogee's Time Ape collar," Milo read.

"Check, check, check," Sara said, pulling the clothing out of a nearby cabinet. "Diogee's collar isn't here though."

Milo set the checklist carefully on the table and began searching on his hands and knees. A small glimmer caught his attention, and he found the collar hiding underneath the couch. "I found it!" he called, squeezing into the small space in between the couch and floor. Unfortunately, the collar was against the wall, so Milo had to awkwardly snake his arm toward it. He was so close, he just needed to get fingers on the strap. "Come on," he grunted, inching closer. This action caused Milo's head to knock against the couch, and he moaned in pain.

"You okay, Milo?" Sara sounded anxious. "Do I need to get the pain relief? Or maybe some butter?"

"I'm okay," Milo grunted, sighing with relief when he managed to hook two fingertips on the strap. Milo's fist closed around the collar, and he wiggled backwards. Only to stir up the dust mites. Milo sneezed, once again smacking his head on the couch frame. "I need help!" he called, mentally adding an ice pack to the checklist.

"I'll save you, Milo!" Sara exclaimed dramatically. Milo felt her hands clamp down on his feet.

"It's a good thing I'm not ticklish on my feet," Milo remarked, feeling his lower leg coming free. "I still can't move though."

Sara tugged again, adjusting her grip several times to no avail. "Might want to lay off the pistachios for a while," she joked, sighing.

"Not gonna happen," Milo replied, chuckling. "This would be a lot faster if we had butter."

"I'll grab it. Stay put," Sara paused. "Not that you can move because you're stuck." Milo waited, toying with the latch of the collar. Thirty seconds later, Sara was back, reaching underneath the couch to apply butter to his sides. Milo giggled, shivering at the cold, slippery feel of the butter. He squirmed backwards again, gasping when two butter-coated hands grabbed his lower legs and gave one harsh yank.

"Freedom!" Milo pumped his fist once he was free, turning over so he was lying on his back. His sweatervest was stained dark red, dust clinging to his hair and clothes. "Someone should really clean under there."

"Diogee's collar, check," Sara said, marking the box on the paper. "Change of clothes, check pending. It's a good thing I've got a million of these Time Ape shirts." She looked down, yellow butter stains sprinkled all over her shirt and pants.

They walked upstairs together, heading to their separate bedrooms for a set of clean clothes. "Which one should I wear?" Milo asked himself, browsing through his closet. "Too red, not red enough, maybe this one?" He shook his head. "Nah, too many stripes. This one looks fine." He tossed his dirty clothes into a nearby laundry basket and changed into a clean, identical outfit. "Much better," Milo smiled.

The floor shook, and Milo quickly ran to the door frame of his bedroom. He dug around in his bag for a coil of rope just in case, keeping one hand on the wall. There were several loud crashes coming from downstairs, followed by Diogee barking. Milo thought he heard men yelling at each other too, but decided that the neighborhood was already used to his presence and any disturbances wouldn't affect the neighbors as long as their lives weren't in danger. After several tense minutes, the shaking finally stopped and all was quiet again.

"Diogee!" Milo shouted. When he didn't come, Milo blew a bone-shaped dog whistle several times. There was still no sign of him. Milo frowned. While incidents of Diogee escaping the house and being in places he shouldn't be were common, Milo still couldn't help but worry for his safety every time Diogee was loose.

"Milo! Are you all right?" Sara burst out of her bedroom, her clover hairclip hanging by a few blonde strands. Sara chewed her lip, eyes flickering between Milo and the stairs. "Do you know what all that shaking was? A tree? Runaway car? Earthquake? Have the llamas come back for revenge?"

"No, a possibility, the other houses look fine so I doubt it's an earthquake, and I'm pretty sure the llamas don't have any idea where we live," Milo grabbed his backpack. "I think we might need to find Diogee though. You should probably secure that clip." Sara took his suggestion.

"Guess our plans have to wait. I was thinking of picking up some pillows and blankets at the mall to make this annual tradition even better! After we find Diogee of course," Sara said as they approached the front door.

"Oh, hold on a second. Let me grab the checklist so that we can be sure we have everything," then Milo caught a glimpse of the kitchen as he picked up the list, mostly intact except for a bottom corner missing. "Sara, you need to see this!" Milo ran toward the kitchen, staring at a giant hole where part of the counter used to be.

Sara grabbed his shoulder. "Stay back, Milo! You never know what could fall from the sky!" As she spoke, bits of plaster rained down from the ceiling. Many eating utensils were scattered on the floor, and flour was everywhere. Nuts and bolts lay strewn among the wrecked wall.

Outside, a small set of dog footprints led away from the house, appearing to follow many large circular indents on the street and the grass."Yeah, you're right," Milo stared at the footprints, wondering if whatever made the hole also kidnapped Diogee. "Like random green lasers."

"Or like in Episode 46 when Queen Macadamia kidnaps Dr. Zone from his house in the dead of night." She and Milo grimaced. "Thank heavens it's non-canon anyway." Sara gasped, suddenly rummaging through the cupboards and pantry. "Milo, the chocolate I saved for today is gone! I left it on the counter." She huffed in disappointment. "Three boxes of gourmet chocolate can't just get up and walk away."

"We can pick up more on the way at the mall, " Milo reassured her. "And if you want a break from Murphy's Law just let me know."

"It's not your fault, Milo," Sara ruffled his cowlick. "Now, are we gonna let a giant hole, a runaway pooch, and missing chocolate stop us from partaking in a Murphy sibling tradition?"

"Never!" Milo cheered.

"That's the spirit! Now let's find Diogee and make this the best Valentine's yet!"

"Quick question. What if Mom and Dad see this hole?" Milo asked.

"We blame the llamas," Sara replied. "Just kidding! I'll tell them Safety Protocol 83 is now active." She fired off a quick text, adding sad emoticons to her explanation as to why there was a gaping hole in the house.

"With or without the extra revision in case of molasses?"

"With. Can never be too sure, little bro."

"I'll text Melissa and Zack," Milo pulled out his phone and made a new group text. "We can pick them up on the way so they can help out. Also, they haven't seen the Valentine's special of Dr. Zone! "

Sara nodded. "We'll have to correct that. So what are we waiting for? Time for danger!"

"Time for action!"

"Time for Dr. Zone after we find Diogee and get everything we need at the mall!"


	2. A Robot by Any Other Name

I was thinking about Murphy's Law all day. Especially while taking tests. Listening to Give Up from PnF is not a motivator.

Chapter 2- A Robot By Any Other Name is Just as Mechanical

* * *

This was not Balthazar's day. First he ran out of jasmine tea packets, then his grappling hook malfunctioned and he had to hypnotize a group of businessmen into forgetting what they had seen, and now headquarters tasked them with test driving a robotic pistachio stand. Their theory was that robots would be more efficient at pistachio protecting than people, and Balthazar was stuck with the result.

The robot's paint job left much to be desired, an incredibly dull shade of green and brown coating its torso, with a few traces of rust on its circular legs. Thick arm cannons shaped like pistachio shells were ill-fitted onto its shoulders. Worst of all, there was a wooden, broken-down pistachio stand and sign with the unoriginal slogan "Tasty Pistachios!" bolted to the top of its head. Red eyes poked out from underneath the wood.

If headquarters wanted him to test out a robot, couldn't they have at least created something a little more threatening?

Balthazar glanced at Vinnie, who was chatting with the robot. "And that's how we blew that popsicle stand. A literal one, I'm not talking metaphorically."

Coughing to get their attention, Balthazar said, "While you've been recounting certain incidents I would rather forget, I have an idea that would serve as training for the robot and allow us to grab the shipment of pistachios that would serve as a grand prize for a contest at the mall later today."

Vinnie leaned back on the robot's leg. "Her name is Arohbeohte. Don't just call her 'the robot'."

Balthazar raised an eyebrow at that. "Her?"

"She told me she was a girl. You have to be more sensitive to her feelings. Isn't that right, Arohbeohte?" Vinnie fist-bumped the ro-Arohbeohte.

"Vinnie Santiago Dakota, you are the only person I know who can come up with such a ridiculous name," Balthazar sighed. Arohbeohte tilted her head, and the letter 'P' fell on the road, a truck quickly swerving to avoid it. He was not just dealing with an overgrown mechanical pistachio stand. He was dealing with a _female_ overgrown mechanical pistachio stand _._ "Very well. I concede. _She_ will come with us to the mall, scare off every shopper there, and we will take off with the pistachios without any further conflict. However, she will be referred to as her identification number of H54T9U."

Vinnie gave him an odd look. "If I learned anything from pulling all-nighters watching robot movies, it's that robots tend to go berserk and destroy stuff when they're not treated like people."

Balthazar opened his mouth for a scathing retort, but realized he had no argument for that particular point. "You win," he grumbled reluctantly.

"Wait, what? Really? Did you hear that Arohbeohte?" Vinnie slapped his hands on her massive knees in celebration. "I beat Balthazar in something that wasn't actually eating related!" Arohbeohte creaked mechanically, her version of a laugh.

Folding his arms, Balthazar tried not to act like his pride had been blown to smithereens. "Rub it in, sure," he mumbled. "H54-" Vinnie gave him a warning stare. "-I mean, Arohbeohte, your training begins now."

Arohbeohte's eyes lit up, throwing her arm cannons into the air. The letters 'A', 'C', and 'H' tumbled from the sign, creating three more cracks in the pavement. "Your first task is to clean this mess up," Balthazar rubbed his temple. _Happy place, imagine a happy place,_ he thought _._ Arohbeohte picked up the the broken 'H', contemplating what to do with it. Then a compartment on her chest opened and a flamethrower shot out, the 'H' crumbling to ashes.

"I was going to say pick the letters up and put them in the dumpster at the end of the street, but I suppose blasting them into oblivion works too," Balthazar said, pulling two rolls of duct tape out of his hat. He tossed one to Vinnie. "Start patching up the cracks," he ordered.

"You keep duct tape in your hat?" Vinnie asked. "Doesn't your old-timey British getup have pockets?"

Balthazar kneeled, ignoring Vinnie's tangent. "The cracks, Dakota," he said, applying the duct tape to the pavement. Vinnie obeyed. It took a while to find the perfect angle to place the duct tape without leaving any wrinkles. Vinnie haphazardly covered the cracks, a gray mass of adhesive swallowing the damaged surface. By the time Balthazar finished, Vinnie was halfway through a bag of tortilla chips. Slowly, the pavement absorbed the duct tape, smoothing over again, looking as if no giant letters had ever fallen off giant robots. It was a shame that duct tape in this time period was still very primitive by the future's standards.

"That should do it," Balthazar said. "Now for your second task-wait, where did you go?"

"Over there!" Vinnie pointed to Arohbeohte, who was slowly marching to one of the houses on the other side of the street, leaving more holes on the road and grass on her trek than Balthazar and Vinnie patched up. She stopped in front of a house with a damaged hedge. She studied it curiously, then kicked a wall in.

"Holy mackerel! I order you to cease your behavior at once, Arohbeohte!" Balthazar shouted. The wind had blown his hat off, but he hadn't noticed. Arohbeohte kicked a second time, and a kitchen counter splintered and broke, a plastic bag laying in the ruins of the brick wall.

Vinnie panted, hands on his knees. "I need…to lay off… the cheesecake," he wheezed.

Balthazar rolled his eyes. "You say that every time."

"No, last time…we were running…I said…I shouldn't have eaten those…waxed lips," Vinnie collapsed on his back.

 _Perhaps there is something to those videos of young people dumping ice water on their peers_ , Balthazar thought as he returned his attention to Arohbeohte, who was now destroying part of the ceiling. "Arohbe-" he was interrupted when he heard a dog barking.

A small, tan dog shot out of the living room, barking incessantly. Arohbeohte paused in her destruction, scrutinizing the dog closely. They stared each other down, the dog growling. Arohbeohte's sensors processed the newcomer, sending blue sparks across her limbs. Then Arohbeohte turned tail and fled down the street, the dog taking off after her in hot pursuit.

Balthazar picked up the bag, just in case it was pistachios that needed saving. "Vinnie! We need to catch her and get rid of that dog!" With a few shakes, Vinnie was back on his feet, though still tired.

"Okay, okay, calm down! Whoa, what happened here?" Vinnie blinked in surprise, staring at the giant hole.

"I'll explain on the way! Come on, before someone sees Arohbeohte and sends government agents after her!" Balthazar pulled Vinnie along, the bag swinging on his left arm. They followed the giant imprints, hoping that Arohbeohte didn't wander onto a main road.

"I didn't know you cared about her!" Vinnie shouted.

"Pre- preposterous! We just can't let anything happen to her otherwise headquarters would have our heads on a silver platter!" Balthazar sputtered.

Vinnie raised an eyebrow, but let the subject slide. "Where'd you get the chocolate?"

Balthazar stopped in his tracks. "Chocolate?" Sure enough, three heart shaped containers of gourmet chocolate lay in the bag. "I thought these were pistachios!" he complained.

"Well, don't mind if I do," Vinnie reached for a container, only to have his hand slapped away.

"You can have them later!" Balthazar snapped. "We're wasting enough time! Now activate the teleporter so we can reach Arohbeohte's location faster!"

Vinnie fumbled with the flip phone-like device for a moment and punched in Arohbeohte's location. A green beam shot out from a small hole on the base, light dematerializing their physical forms and reassembling them near Arohbeohte.

"Ugh, I hate teleporting," Vinnie brushed off a small fire on the sleeve of his tracksuit.

Balthazar watched as Arohbeohte hid behind a tree in an attempt to get the dog to leave. Of course, hiding behind trees when one is a giant robot is entirely ineffective. The dog sniffed around, following a scent trail until the dog's snout hit the base of Arohbeohte's foot. She bent down, arm cannon out…

"No!" Balthazar and Vinnie shouted, running towards the arm cannon to knock it off course. That poor dog would be nothing but an outline and pile of ashes if the cannon fired at such close proximity!

Vinnie was slightly ahead of Balthazar, when he suddenly stopped and flung an arm out. Balthazar slammed into the arm, coughing and clutching his chest, feeling like he'd been hit by a truck. "Dakota-" Balthazar was about to vent, but noticed where Vinnie was pointing.

Instead of an outline, pile of ashes, and smoking cannon attached to a giant robot, there was a giant robot hesitantly patting a dog on the head. The dog barked, tail wagging, and rolled over. Arohbeohte looked confused, so Vinnie spoke up. "Rub his belly, dogs like that sorta thing," he suggested, gently patting her metallic knee.

Arohbeohte hesitated, then retracted the cannon, a giant set of robotic fingers replacing it. She poked the dog on his belly, his tongue lolling out in delight.

Vinnie reached over, slipping the dog's collar off. "So your name is Diogee, huh?" he grinned, petting the dog's belly.

"Don't get attached," Balthazar warned. "That dog knows too much."

"What? Come on, he's a dog! Who's he gonna blab to?" Vinnie protested. "We should really give him back to his owners."

 _Oh no_. Vinnie, Diogee, and Arohbeohte were giving him the puppy dog eyes. Well, Arohbeohte's robotic equivalent of the puppy dog eyes consisted of shortening and lengthening her optic nerves like a telescope. "Fine. The mutt can go home."

Diogee perked up at that sentence, almost scampering off before Vinnie called him back so he could reattach the collar to his neck. "Don't want animal control to get you," Vinnie gave Diogee a strip of beef jerky and sent him on his way.

"I'll miss him," Vinnie said as Diogee disappeared around a corner.

"I won't. Now, I will kindly remind you that we have an important mission at the mall," Balthazar grumbled. "Here." He shoved the chocolate at Vinnie, approaching Arohbeohte.

Arohbeohte shrank at Balthazar's intense gaze. "Young lady. We need to talk."

* * *

First time writing the pistachio protectors! I think it went well! We'll get back to Milo and Sara in the next chapter.

How to pronounce Arohbeohte: spell "robot".


	3. Diogee-ogee Doo, Where Are You?

Storm in the Room killed me internally. I'm just gonna go binge eat chocolate now…

Ch 3- Diogee-ogee Doo, Where are You?

* * *

"We can cover more ground on foot than we can in Sara's car," Melissa said. "I doubt Sara wants to risk her tires with all these potholes." She threw the stick she'd been using as a pointer away. A dry erase board depicted several ideas of how they could locate Diogee, ranging from luring him with food to Sara dressing up as a monster and chasing the others until Diogee arrived to rescue them.

"I don't mind risking tires for a family member," Sara responded. "I do like your idea though."

"Really? I always thought the group splitting up was a bad idea. Sometimes television can teach you things that can be used in the real world," Zack objected.

"Nah, that's only a bad idea if you're in a horror movie," Milo said.

"It's settled then!" Melissa declared. "Milo and I will follow those potholes. I have the impression they aren't natural. Zack and Sara, I want you to search in the opposite direction. Let's find Diogee, people!" Everyone cheered.

"Before we go, we need safety precautions!" Sara exclaimed, opening the trunk of her car. "Milo, do you have everything?"

Milo opened his backpack to check. "I still haven't replaced my anchor. I lost it on Career Day."

"Shoot. I don't have an anchor in here, but I do have velvet rope and bungee cords. Can you make do with those?"

"Sure! Thanks!" Milo stuffed the items in his backpack, closing it tightly.

"I'm all right, I made sure to bring bottled water," Melissa said.

"Zack and I probably won't need as much material since we'll be out of Milo's range. Which is good, because we have more room for these!" Sara stuck a stopwatch hat on Zack's head, then put on a jacket resembling Dr. Zone's outfit.

"Is this necessary?" Zack pulled at the fabric of his hat, blushing. "I look completely ridiculous."

"Nonsense! We might as well have fun while performing a task of the utmost importance!" Sara declared. "Time's a-wasting!" She enthusiastically dragged a reluctant Zack down the street. "Text us if you find Diogee!" Sara shouted before disappearing behind a bush.

After they left, Milo and Melissa followed the trail of potholes. Milo scratched his arm nervously. "Hey, Melissa. Do you think these holes will really lead us to Diogee? I don't want anything to happen to him."

"Worth a shot," Melissa smiled. "Diogee's always trying to protect you from danger, if he perceived whatever made these holes as a threat, then he would've chased it as far from you as possible."

The trail led out of the neighborhood, towards downtown Swamp City. Milo and Melissa were about to cross the street when someone shoved a stop sign into Milo's face. "Stop!" he shouted, holding up a stop sign. "Murphy, street's closed. I saw a robot rampaging through here, and it is my job as safety czar to protect the innocent denizens of this fair city."

"Oh, hey Elliot!" Milo said. "A robot, huh? Cool! But seriously, we need to search this area. My dog is missing."

"You and your girlfriend aren't getting through here. I'll look for your dog though if you promise to not move a muscle through," Elliot shrugged.

"Melissa's not my-" Milo never finished his sentence because Melissa gently shoved him out of the way.

"Oh darn, well that's too bad," she said in resignation. "I really wanted this to be the best Valentine's date ever, but now we can't look for Diogee in this area and share a chocolate sundae at the mall. Shame. They're half-price too." As she spoke, Melissa tilted her head towards Elliot. Her eyes drooped sadly, blue irises perfectly round. A frown tugged at the corners of her mouth.

Elliot tugged at his collar, sweating even though it was February and not hot at all. "I…y-you can't-" he stammered. After several tense minutes, he finally caved. "All right, all right! You can go through! And don't destroy anything! Got that, Milo?" Elliot snapped.

"I make no promises!" Milo saluted a seething Elliot.

Melissa instantly perked up, smirking happily. "Cool, thanks Elliot! Though I must ask, why exactly are you working when it's not a school day?"

Elliot laughed nervously. "Funny story, actually. My sister's visiting from out of town and for some reason she brought all twenty-four of her cats with her…long story short, I'm allergic so I grabbed all my crossing guard gear and high-tailed it outta there-" his face turned red as realization hit. "Hey, you tricked me!"

"Doe eyes," Melissa said, confidently leaning on a nearby mailbox. "You have to admit, I am a pretty good actress. By the way, you might want to duck."

Milo and Melissa quickly put on safety helmets and visors, hiding behind an umbrella just as several pipes fell from a construction site onto Elliot's head. He sunk to his knees, rubbing his head in pain. "This is all your-gah!" he shrieked as a duck approached him, then bit his leg. "Get off!" He tried to dislodge the duck, but it held on tightly.

"Now that he's occupied, let's move!" Melissa and Milo ran, keeping an eye out for falling debris as they searched for Diogee. As they were passing by an alley, Melissa stopped. "Milo, I think I hear barking," Melissa said. "Diogee?"

"Is that him?" Milo asked, taking a few steps into the alley. The barking continued for only a few more seconds, then abruptly switched to growling menacingly.

"I'm starting to think otherwise," Melissa grabbed Milo's arm and quickly backed up. A large brown dog emerged from the shadows, slinking and growling at them. "We need a diversionary tactic," she said anxiously.

"I was planning to feed this beef jerky to Diogee once we found him, but now's probably a good time to use it," Milo said, holding up a pack of beef jerky. "Here, boy! Or girl!" Milo tossed the pack. It bounced off the wall of the alley, then landed on a dumpster lid, and a flock of hungry crows descended upon the food in a frenzy.

"Next time we need to throw something to save our skins, let me do it. For now, run!" Melissa and Milo took off, the dog snapping at their heels. They disregarded traffic completely, dodging and weaving around cars as they tried to get away. Drivers honked and swore angrily at them and the dog, pedestrians gathering to watch the spectacle.

Milo pointed to a fire escape on an office building. "Up there! Come on!" he grabbed the ladder and climbed to the top quickly, pulling Melissa onto the landing beside him. Below, the dog growled and attempted to climb up too, but couldn't make it past the first two steps.

"Elevator?" Milo asked.

"Stairs. Much safer," Melissa replied.

They checked the window before heading outside. Thankfully, there was no sign of their pursuer. Milo sighed, barely noticing the door snagging a strap on his backpack. "We're still not any closer to finding Diogee."

"Don't you give up on me," Melissa jabbed a finger into Milo's chest. "This is not the Milo Danger Murphy I know and- shoot, where was I going with this?" Melissa scratched her head in confusion.

"Thanks, Melissa," Milo smiled.

"What? Oh, no prob," she grinned. "We should backtrack. Maybe Diogee's finding his way home as we speak. I just hope we don't run into Elliot on the way back."

"We will!" Milo said, walking forward only to suddenly snap back towards the entrance. Milo untangled the backpack, running his finger along the strap to make sure there was no damage.

"Wishful thinking." Melissa paused, listening intently. "Do you hear something?"

"The man lecturing a giant robot over there?" Milo pointed, and a man in an ascot and green overcoat panicked.

"Our position's compromised! Abort mission!" he yelled in a British accent, a giant robot and a man in a tracksuit fleeing in different directions. As the giant robot fled, its circular feet left cracks in the pavement.

"Guess we know who's been leaving the potholes," Milo commented. "I was not expecting a robot with pistachio arm cannons though-"

"As peculiar as that was, I meant that crumbling noise," Melissa said, stunned.

A hole across the street caved in, swallowing two cars. Then it began to widen and spread, quickly making its way towards Milo and Melissa. Before they could make a break for it, the ground under Milo collapsed. Milo held onto the edge, gravel hitting his face as it slid down. Melissa grabbed Milo's hands and pulled, but was swept in the hole as well. They tumbled to the bottom of the pit, Melissa landing on top of Milo.

At least they weren't being buried alive.

She stood up, dusting off her skirt."Any injuries?" she asked.

"No, I'm all right," Milo said, digging around in his backpack. He found the velvet rope and bungee cords. "I don't see anything for these to latch onto," he said.

"I'll text Sara and Zack," Melissa typed out a message and tried to send it, but it failed. "That's odd, it's not working. Something's jamming the signal. I don't think I can contact Dad either and ask him to send someone to get us out of here."

"We need a messenger. Hey!" Milo waved his arms, calling for someone outside the pit to come and save them. "Can anyone hear me? Hello?"

Curious passersby came to investigate, but every time they tried to call for help on their phones, they had the the same issues as Melissa. Milo attempted to toss the makeshift rope to them, the rope unable to reach the edge since it was far too short. None of them had the equipment necessary to pull them out.

"It's no good. We need Zack and Sara," Melissa stopped him before he could tire himself out. "Or-"

"Arf!"

Milo knew that bark. _Could it be?_ "Diogee!" he shouted happily. A small dog nosed his way through the crowd, tail wagging. "Diogee, go find Sara and Zack! Bring them here!" he ordered. Diogee took off immediately.

"I got cards," Melissa offered, holding out a pack. "Might as well pass the time."

* * *

Sara groaned. "We're no closer to finding Diogee! I'm giving that pup a piece of my mind when we find him!" She looked through her binoculars, scanning rooftops, squirrel holes, and backyards. There was nothing of interest except for an elderly Mr. Goldman yelling at troublesome kids to get off his property.

Zack sighed. "I knew we should've stayed together. Bad things always happen when the group splits up."

"I've got it!" Sara exclaimed. "We'll stop searching!"

"Why?" Zack almost did a double-take. Was she insane?

"Duh! It's a flawless plan! In Episode 117, Dr. Zone employs reverse psychology against the Okaponian herd so he could gain valuable information about the Temporal Arch!" Sara grabbed Zack's shoulders. "Don't you see? We do the exact opposite of what we set out to do, and the opposite of the exact opposite will happen!"

"I get it now," Zack said, breaking out of Sara's unusually strong grip. "Do nothing, and Diogee will just come to us."

Sara made a noise that sounded like a cross between an eagle's cry and crashing into a brick wall. Zack stared at her blankly. "That was 'yes' in the Aviku language," she explained awkwardly.

"Ever consider getting a new obsession?"

"Maybe. There's other science fiction titles I've been meaning to look at."

"Arf!" a nearby bush shook, and Diogee popped out with a stick clutched in his mouth. He dropped it at Sara's feet.

"I told you reverse psychology worked!" Sara stuck her tongue out at Zack, scooping Diogee up. "You need to stop running off like that, mister!" Diogee nudged her arm, whining. Sara frowned."Is something wrong?"

Diogee broke the hug, gesturing with his nose to the other end of the street. "Hold on, I'll text Milo to let him know we're coming with Diogee." He hit send, then frowned when a failed message popped up. "Never mind, let's just go."

Diogee led the way, barking at them to keep up. They passed by Elliot, who was too busy fending off a wild duck to notice them violating a dozen of his so-called safety regulations. He squeezed past a large crowd easily. Sara and Zack had to shove people out of the way so they could see him. They gasped at the sight of a large pit taking up a good portion of the street.

Milo and Melissa were playing cards in the center. Melissa waved at them, and Milo overturned the rock they were using as a table, praising Diogee's actions. "Are you guys all right?" Sara called.

"We're fine! No sprains, no dislocations surprisingly!" Milo shouted.

"That's great!" Zack responded. "Do you need help getting out?"

"Zack, do you really think we want to be in here? We have materials from Sara's car, but it can't reach the top," Melissa held out the velvet rope and bungee cords.

"That's okay! I brought extra!" Sara tossed the end of a durable-looking rope to them. Melissa tied it onto the bungee cords and signaled she was ready to be pulled up.

Sara and Zack held the rope tightly, joined by several other people in the crowd. "Rock climbing lessons, don't fail me now!" Melissa grunted. She grabbed the edge, smiling as she was helped to her feet. Sara tensed, praying for Murphy's Law to stay away for a few precious seconds while they rescued Milo.

Sara, Zack, Melissa, and several other people pulled on the rope, giving Milo the momentum he needed to get to the top safely. Sara immediately hugged him, not caring about the clumps of dirt that clung to her shirt as she squished him. Diogee jumped into the middle of their embrace, licking their faces in relief. Milo giggled. "Good boy, Diogee. I promise I'll find something extra special for you at the mall. But for now, you need to go home."

Diogee gave Milo one last lick and scampered off.

"Mission number 1 accomplished!" Sara pumped her fist in the air.

"Time for the mall?" Melissa asked. "I really am craving a chocolate sundae at the food court."

"So nobody's going to acknowledge the giant pit in the middle of the street that needs to be cleaned up?" Zack wildly gestured to the hole.

"Oh, it's fine. Most of the time cleanup takes care of itself," Milo said.

"Takes care of itself? How? It's not as if a neon pink laser is just going to fall out of the sky and magically clean everything up!" Zack took a few calming breaths.

Sara broke out the bronze shields. "Head's up, everyone!" she called, a neon green laser beaming out of nowhere. Melissa and Zack took cover behind Sara and Milo. It reflected off their shields, striking the pit, which immediately vanished into thin air.

Once the danger passed, Melissa stopped the timer of her phone. "4.57 seconds. New record. Though I do have to dock three points for Zack on guessing the wrong color."

"What just happened?" Zack asked, scratching his head in confusion.

"Does he not know?" Sara glanced at Milo and Melissa, who shrugged. "I'll give you a crash course on the way to the mall about why you should never ask that question in these parts."

* * *

End of Ch 3! Elliot's mortal enemy is not Milo, it's actually ducks.

I bet Sara is like one of those Harry Potter fans who always attribute real life events to stuff that happens in the books. Except she does it for Dr. Zone.


	4. Love is a Song

My friends are insane. In one Skype chat we went from discussing Storm in the Room to posting Invader Zim memes with "You lie!" in big letters. At least they're just as excited for the new Tangled series as I am!

Ch 4 - Love is a Song that Never Ends (Whether this is Sweet or Annoying is Entirely Subjective)

* * *

"I am very disappointed in you both," Balthazar paced back and forth in front of Vinnie and Arohbeohte. Vinnie feigned interest, popping a piece of dark chocolate in his mouth. Arohbeohte watched an old lady feed squirrels, snapping back to attention when Balthazar cleared his throat. "Arohbeohte, you made it more difficult to cover our tracks. Sometimes property damage is an inevitable factor in certain operations, but you almost destroyed an innocent family's house. If they are not holding pistachios hostage, then we leave them alone. We cannot risk discovery. Is that understood?"

Arohbeohte nodded.

"Vinnie, you neglected to inform Arohbeohte about why her behavior is unacceptable. This is going to reflect badly on us when we report to headquarters," Balthazar said.

"You mean _if_ you report it," Vinnie suggested. " _If_ makes it so you have a choice in the matter, but _when_ is definite."

Balthazar's anger drained for a moment. "You may be onto something. Maybe I can just fabricate a report and blame her behavior on faulty engineering."

"Or you don't put effort in at all," Vinnie said. "They shove all the reports they receive into the garbage bin. Never bothered reading them."

Balthazar's mouth dropped open, arms flailing as he struggled to find the correct words to express his outrage. _All the time I've spent writing extremely detailed accounts for future protectors to peruse, wasted,_ he thought. He shook his head. He could lament later. There were more pressing issues in the present.

"I'm getting off topic," Balthazar said. "As much as I want to let out all my steam and you and Arohbeohte, it can wait until after we secure the pistachios at the mall. Now, the mall will be busy since it's a weekend, so getting around will be difficult, especially with a giant robot in tow."

"It's also Valentine's Day! Which means half-price chocolate sundaes!" Vinnie exclaimed, giving a high-five to Arohbeohte.

"Valentine's Day?" Balthazar looked at his watch. _Feb 14, 21st century. Your horoscope today: The planet Venus burns in the 3rd house. Just kiss already, idiot. You don't need this astronomy junk for love._ , it read. "That blasted holiday?"

"I just like it for the candy," Vinnie shrugged. "Making a day all about love is pretty awesome though. What do you think, Arohbeohte?"

Arohbeohte thought for a moment, then began to flatten the grass with her feet. She stomped out a crude circle, bending down to carve a smiley face in the center. Then she drew a giant rectangle with the letter 'P' on it. Straightening to her full height, she created a torso with two spiky protrusions on the sides. Finally, Arohbeohte added two circles on the bottom, then pointed to the drawing.

"Is that you? Looks good for abstract," Vinnie commented. Arohbeohte shook her head, though no letters came loose thankfully.

"I've seen 2 year olds draw better on nursery walls," Balthazar grumbled.

Vinnie elbowed him. "Come on, Balthy, be nice."

"How many times have I told you to never call me that?" Balthazar glared.

Vinnie shrugged. "I dunno, once, maybe twice. I forget. So Arohbeohte, who is this? A parent, sibling, friend, or none of the above?"

Arohbeohte drew a heart and a question mark next to the robot, then shrugged.

"So, you're in love with another robot but can't figure out to say it?" Vinnie asked. Arohbeohte nodded, then hid her head in her massive hands. "Well, just say it! Wait, you can't talk. That complicates stuff if there's a lack of communication."

"As interesting as a robot's romantic woes are, we need to-where did you get that phone book from?" Balthazar stared at Vinnie, who was quickly flipping through the pages with interest.

"Well, it's hard to explain it to Arohbeohte with just words," Vinnie said. "What's the phone number for the Danville chapter of the Backup Singers Union?"

"Why don't you just get the Swamp City branch? They'll be here much faster. And cheaper too," Balthazar suggested.

"Quality over quantity. Oh, here it is," Vinnie said, pulling out his cell phone and dialing a number. "Hello, Backup SIngers Union? Oh, they're busy today? Never mind then. Thank you." Vinnie hung up. "They're booked solid. Something about all the singers doing a gig for some pharmacist. They say he pays well."

"That's a shame. A musical number would have been good exercise," Balthazar said.

"I have another idea. Arohbeohte, can you do this?" Vinnie made a heart with his hands, and Arohbeohte tried copying him. She could only form them into a circle. Arohbeohte carefully picked Vinnie up so he was sitting comfortably on one massive palm. "Now, I want you to put your thumbs together and point them down," he said, scrambling for her wrist when the surface began to tilt. "Like this," he awkwardly managed to make a triangular shape while he was gripping the metal tightly. "Good! Now curl the rest of your fingers and put them together!" he grinned, finishing the heart shape. Arohbeohte copied him, raising her hands to her eye and peeking through it.

"That's perfect! Now just form the heart the next time you see your crush! I'm sure they'll understand! Balthazar, catch me!" Vinnie offered a thumbs-up, then suddenly jumped off her wrist.

Balthazar dove forward in his attempt to catch Vinnie, tripping over a rock and hitting the ground face-first. He yelped as he felt something incredibly heavy crush his spine. Moaning in pain, he turned around to glare at Vinnie, tapping his fingers on the ground in annoyance. Vinnie laughed sheepishly. "Thanks for being the throw pillow."

"Don't mention it," Balthazar stood up, dusting himself off. "We've wasted enough time. Let's just get to-" he caught sight of two teenagers wandering around, appearing to search for something. The boy pointed to them, and Balthazar's brain went into panic mode. "Our position's compromised! Abort mission!" he fled, realizing that Vinnie and Arohbeohte were running in opposite directions.

At least the teens lost interest in them. Balthazar was glad the boy in the sweatervest hadn't followed them. He and Vinnie tended to lose their pistachio stands for some reason when they did business with that guy.

He was able to track Arohbeohte down easily, her massive size making it hard to blend in the city. He sat on her shoulder, holding on to a protrusion that extended from her neck. "Let's find Vinnie," he told her. "Locate the nearest street vendor."

Arohbeohte's eyes glowed green, scanning the city. Then she took off towards a side street, finding Vinnie paying for his food at a bratwurst stand. "Man, bratwurst street vendors need more appreciation," Vinnie said, stepping onto Arohbeohte's hand. Balthazar rolled his eyes. He would never understand these constant detours for food.

"Let's just get to the mall," Balthazar said.

* * *

When they arrived, Arohbeohte reduced the size of her limbs and torso so that she was human-sized. The pistachio stand folded into a compartment on her head. Balthazar wished he'd known that earlier. It would've saved so much grief.

"Mama! Mama, what is that thing?" a young girl shrieked, pointing at Arohbeohte. She hugged her pink stuffed poodle tightly in case Arohbeohte would snatch it out of her arms.

Balthazar held Arohbeohte's arm, silently warning her to not make any sudden movements.

"Chloe, don't point. That's rude. Now apologize," the mother chided. She shot Balthazar and Vinnie an apologetic look. "Sorry about my daughter. She can be a handful sometimes."

"It's cool. Don't worry about it too much," Vinnie shrugged. "Chloe, right?"

"Sorry," Chloe lowered her head, studying the ground. "I didn't want to sound mean."

Vinnie smiled. "Do you want to meet Arohbeohte? She likes people."

"Um, sure?" Chloe slowly approached Arohbeohte. "Hi?"

Balthazar pulled Vinnie aside. "Is allowing that child to be so close to Arohbeohte really a good idea?" he whispered, glancing over his shoulder. Chloe was just teaching Arohbeohte patty cake for now.

"She's fine. The more social interaction Arohbeohte gets, the better," Vinnie said. "Are you worried about what headquarters might say?"

"What?" Balthazar yelled, wincing at his own outburst. Luckily, Chloe and her mother hadn't noticed. He lowered his voice so that Vinnie could barely hear his response. "I just don't want people calling her a 'thing'," he said, blushing.

"So you do have a heart after all!" Vinnie smirked. "I never would've guessed!"

"Sh-shut up! As her mentor, it is our job to make sure that she learns to control herself so she doesn't harm anyone, including herself," he said, nodding to reassure himself.

"Uh-huh," Vinnie raised an eyebrow, but said nothing else. They walked over to Chloe's mother, watching the two play together.

"Thanks for letting Chloe play with your-um, companion," she trailed off. "We should really be going now."

"Bye, miss!" Chloe waved and skipped over to her mother. They entered a department store, leaving behind Arohbeohte and the pistachio protectors.

"Well, that's sorted out," Balthazar pulled out a clipboard, jotting down a few details of his plan. "It occurred to me that we can't exactly steal the grand prize when the mall is so crowded. We'll have to enter that contest and do our best to win. And for that we need disguises."

"Can I choose the disguises this time?" Vinnie asked.

"Sure. Let me make sure we have the correct currency for this time period," Balthazar said, flipping through his wallet. He needed to make sure they didn't pay for necessities with ancient Lydian coins again. He pulled out a crisp hundred dollar bill, handing it to Vinnie. "I'm just going to rest here. You and Arohbeohte go pick out clothing. The contest begins at 2 pm."

"Will do!" Vinnie said. "Come on, Arohbeohte!"

Balthazar opened his notebook, dating the top of the page. "Finally. Now I can write a few haikus in peace," he muttered.

Thirty minutes later, Balthazar was staring incredulously at the yellow tropical shirt and shorts Vinnie had picked out for him. "Not my style," he fingered the collar, grimacing.

"You never specified," Vinnie shrugged. He had already changed into a black T-shirt and jeans.

"Fine. I'll wear it, but I won't like it," Balthazar grumbled. "Young lady, is that any way to dress in public?" he scolded Arohbeohte, who was wearing a red tank top and a white miniskirt.

"She's a robot," Vinnie pointed out.

"Still," Balthazar grumbled, walking into a restroom to change.

It took a lot of persuasion and blackmail for Vinnie to coax Balthazar out of the stall. Balthazar reluctantly came out, wondering if he could an anonymous letter to whatever corporation that created gaudy tropical shirts asking them to recall their monstrosities. They headed towards the center of the mall.

Vinnie smiled at the sight of all the couples in the mall, pointing out a pair who were gazing dreamily into each other's eyes while sharing a chocolate sundae. "See, Arohbeohte? If you're successful telling your crush how you feel, then you might be able to act like that too!"

"Vinnie, don't encourage Arohbeohte to be completely brain dead," Balthazar warned. Arohbeohte tilted her head in confusion.

The contest sign-up was extremely busy. Most of the participants consisted of teenagers dressed in elaborate costumes, with a few adults sprinkled in. Balthazar waited impatiently, stuck behind someone in a cartoony duck outfit that quacked with every step.

Finally, they were called by a bored-looking attendant. "Names," he said.

Balthazar realized they needed cover names. Any of these people could be rival time travelers seeking the same prize. "Arthur. That fine-looking gentleman in jeans is Frank. And the young lady's name is Rebecca."

"Arthur, Frank, and Rebecca," the attendant repeated, leaning on his elbow as he wrote. "And your group name?"

"Blast! We needed a group name?," Balthazar cursed his lack of foresight.

"I'm putting you down as Blastweneededagroupname," the attendant said, writing it on the entry slip. "Your entry number is 6. Good luck and all that. Next!" He handed the slip to Balthazar.

"So, what kind of contest is it anyway?" Vinnie asked. Balthazar gave him an odd look. "Dude, don't tell me you entered this contest without even knowing what we're supposed to do. If it's a beauty contest, I want out."

Arohbeohte pointed to a flyer. "Let's see," Balthazar said, scanning it. He froze. "Re-enact a love scene from any famous movie, TV show, or Broadway play?" he said, indignantly. "Can't they just hold a raffle like normal people?"

"'Participants will be judged for acting and presentation by a panel of three judges. Please be aware that children are watching, so keep everything G-rated. Phantom of the Opera-based performances are banned due to last year's incident that consisted of a bully, a diaper, and a chandelier. Thank you!'" Vinnie read. "After this blows over, you wanna travel to last year's contest and see this incident?"

"I'm having second thoughts," Balthazar muttered. "We won't win anything in presentation points."

"So we need to come up with something that involves all three of us, right?" Vinnie asked. "Here's my plan."

* * *

Ch 4 is finally done! Hope y'all enjoyed!


	5. Lights, Camera, Traction! Part 1

Happy Platypus Day!

Ch 5- Lights, Camera, Traction! Part 1

* * *

"Silly face!" Sara and Milo posed, making ridiculous expressions as they took selfies in front of a life size statue of Time Ape. Melissa ate her chocolate sundae, blissfully unaware of her surroundings. Zack whistled, pretending he didn't know the Murphy siblings when other people gave them strange looks. Three bags containing pillows, blankets, and snacks lay at his feet.

"This is so going on my blog!" Sara exclaimed. "Come on, everyone! To Edgy Subject!" She led the others to the ground floor, stopping to check Milo's shoelaces before he stepped on the escalator.

"What's Edgy Subject?" Zack asked.

"The store for all our Dr. Zone needs! Oh, and other shows too," Milo said, grinning wildly. "We make it a point to go to Edgy Subject every time we go to the mall. I'd estimate about 84% of Sara's allowance is spent there."

"And once you see something you like but can't buy, it will be ingrained into your memory. Forever. Forever!" Sara laughed maniacally, holding a flashlight under her chin. She frowned. "I can never pull this off without sufficient darkness." She stuck the flashlight in Milo's backpack.

Zack looked at Melissa for help. "There's no escape, Zack," she smirked. "You'll preserve your sanity much better if you go along with it."

Sara held the door to Edgy Subject open, shooing Milo and Melissa inside. "Zack, since you're still a newbie, let me give you some advice," she said, throwing out an arm to bar his path. "First, you must show self-restraint."

"Whoo! Vinyl figurines, here I come!" a teenager with pink hair screamed. Sara pulled Zack out of the way as she barreled past them.

"Watch out for that puddle!" Melissa yelled. The teenager paid her no heed, slipping on a small puddle and crashing head first into a nearby display stand.

"Otherwise that happens. Is she okay?" Sara called to Milo.

"She's not concussed!" Milo yelled.

"She'll be fine," Sara murmured in relief. She turned back to Zack. "The second is that you should never venture to the back of the store."

"I'll take your word on that one," Zack wrote it down in his notebook. "Is there a third rule?"

Sara nodded. "The third and final rule is to just find something nice! So what are we waiting for?" Sara walked over to a shelf displaying Dr. Zone merchandise, picking up a small box and examining it carefully.

* * *

Milo was looking through a stack of Space Adventure T-shirts. "Hey, Zack! What's your shirt size?"

"Why?" Zack asked.

"Milo wants matching T-shirts in case we ever have a school event that might call for it in the future," Melissa explained.

"A medium," Zack said. Milo handed him a shirt. Zack's eyes widened, staring at the price tag in shock. "That's expensive!" he gasped.

"Quality isn't cheap, but it's totally worth it," Milo said. "If you're worried about the price, it's fine! I was planning on paying for these myself. It was my idea anyway!"

"No, that's all right," Zack protested. "You don't have to! Really!"

"Zack, we insist! We're all friends here, and we are absolutely not letting you walk out of here empty-handed!" Melissa declared.

"She's right, Zack!" Milo agreed cheerfully, walking over to the register to purchase the shirts. As he pulled out his wallet, his elbow smacked into a rack of stuffed animals, the entire display crashing to the floor. "My bad," Milo laughed nervously. "Sorry."

The cashier handed Milo his items. "Just a typical day here. No worries." He moved away from the register in order to clean up the scattered stuffed animals.

By the end of their spree at Edgy Subject, Sara had bought several boxes of keychains and was attempting to explain their appeal to Zack. "So far I'm missing two out of a set of twenty. I still need Time Ape in his transchronological form and Dr. Zone's infamous toga outfit."

Zack raised an eyebrow. "So what if you get a repeat? You're throwing five dollars away just to satisfy your collective need to have the entire set?"

"If you get a repeat, give it to a friend!" Sara grinned. "I forgot how many I gave to Milo and Melissa."

"Eleven for Milo, three for me," Melissa said, sliding several wristbands of anime characters onto her arms.

Zack had simply purchased two buttons with cheesy slogans on them, pinned to his backpack strap proudly. "I still don't see the appeal."

Sara tore one of the boxes open. "You'll understand soon enough-hey! Guys, I finally have the toga now!" She proudly showed off a small, detailed keychain of Dr. Zone in a white toga, one arm outstretched while the other held a scroll, as if he was dictating a speech to an audience. She passed it around, keeping an eye on Milo as he studied the figure.

"I take some of what I said back," Zack scratched his head awkwardly. "This looks really cool actually."

"I'm gonna get lucky a second time, just watch!" Sara pulled a Trashcandroid out of another box, frowning. "Maybe this one? No. Now? Ugh, I always get the Time Bee-icle." A pile of plastic and cardboard was increasing on the bench next to her. After a fruitless effort, she was finally left with one box. "One more. Please be the one I need. Please, with a double scoop of rocky road and cherries, be it!" Sara reached inside, pulling out yet another Trashcandroid. She groaned. "Take the hurt away guys. Take it away."

Melissa grabbed one of the Trashcandroids, pushing the other repeats to Zack. "You'll get it next time, Sara!" Milo patted her on the back.

"Hey, check this out! There's a contest that'll be held at 2 in the center of the mall!" Melissa showed them a pamphlet plucked from a small kiosk. "And the grand prize is a truckload of pistachios!"

"Cool! We should enter!" Milo said. "It'd be fun!"

"We'd have to re-enact a love scene though. And Phantom of the Opera is banned. That's a shame," Melissa said, pointing to the fancy cursive letters that stated the objective of the contest. "Are there any good ones from Dr. Zone?"

"You and Zack sign us up, Milo and I will start brainstorming," Sara said, sitting down on a marshmallow cushion. Zack and Melissa headed to the sign-up, while Milo set police tape around the perimeter. "How about the scene from 'The Zone' series where Sierra kisses Dr. Zone in the lair of the evil Antonian matriarch?"

"I didn't really care for Sierra," Milo admitted. "Not much personality."

"Yeah, you're right," Sara scratched her chin. "I don't want to go with the one from the Dr. Zone series where Valerie kisses his corpse. I mean, ew." She shuddered.

"I've got it!" Milo snapped his fingers in realization. "The love scene from the Pendulum of Space-Time arc in the Dr. Zone Files!"

"That's it! Melissa and Zack have at least finished that arc! And there's four parts to play, so it will be perfect!" Sara exclaimed.

"Can I be Dr. Zone this time?" Milo asked.

Sara nodded. "Good idea. You need to branch out more. I've been meaning to try role-playing Time Ape myself. We should probably look at that part again." Sara scooted closer to Milo so he could see the video on her phone.

"Boo!" a hand clapped Milo's shoulder, making him suddenly jerk forward, yelping. Milo lost his balance, falling off the seat and hitting his chin against the carpet.

"I'm okay!" he grunted.

"Sorry, Milo!" Melissa knelt down to help him up. "I couldn't resist."

"It's fine. So did you and Zack sign us up?" Milo rubbed his sore jaw.

"Our number is 13," Melissa showed him an entry slip with all their names printed on it. "Anyways, any ideas for our skit?"

"We do! So, you want to be the villain or the damsel in distress?" Milo asked.

"Villain," Melissa said without hesitation. "I can't damsel. And I only distress about grades."

"Cool!" Sara said. "Here are your lines, so we can at least run through it before we go on. Milo, get the props! Let's break a leg! Triple exclamation point!"

Everyone stared, unsure what to make of her poor choice of words. Sara laughed nervously. "Not literally, of course. I'd really prefer no femurs getting crushed or snapped."

Zack gulped, clasping his hands together as he looked at the ceiling. "Don't make me wear a skirt... Don't make me wear a skirt..."

* * *

"Ladies and gentlemen! My name is Phineas! Welcome to to our 2nd annual Valentine's Day contest! Like last year, contestants will be performing a love scene from any media of their choice, sans Phantom of the Opera. You can thank Buford for that one," the host, a boy with a triangle-shaped head, announced. The audience cheered loudly.

"Sure," a husky boy grunted from the judge's panel. "Everyone blame the bully."

"You have five minutes to impress the judges and wow the audience! And if you have last minute problems, Ferb is always happy to help," Phineas pointed to his expressionless brother, who simply gave a thumbs-up.

Milo fussed with his Dr. Zone hat while Buford and the two other judges, a scrawny boy and a girl in a pink bow, bickered over who was at fault for that embarrassing incident. "It's amazing they allowed a bunch of kids to host the contest," Sara commented. A felt stopwatch hat rested in her lap.

"This is entertaining in itself," Melissa smirked. "Beats midday programming by a longshot."

Zack buried his head in his arms. "Does anyone have a spare sweater? I'm freezing," he complained. After learning that they were being judged in presentation, Sara had dug up an old, spare dress from her preteen years out of the trunk of her car. The dress fit him surprisingly well, although it had a color that reminded Milo of compost. He was starting to remember why Sara used to fight tooth and nail to avoid that particular article of clothing.

"Without further ado, let the contest begin!" Phineas exclaimed.

The first four entries all had elaborate costumes, though some of their acting suffered. The fourth group, consisting of two brothers and a mannequin in a dress, were extremely bad. The older brother kept shoving the younger one to the side so he could hog the spotlight. It was clear both of them were becoming increasingly aggravated each other, and the audience started to boo them. Finally, their disastrous skit ended when the mannequin's head popped off during the climax and hit a switch to the side, causing a trapdoor to open on the stage's floor and send them plummeting to the mall's basement.

"Ferb, you might want to bubble wrap that switch," Phineas remarked. "Thoughts, Isabella?"

"I do!" Isabella said in an odd, dreamy voice. Buford tapped her on the shoulder. "Huh, what?" She looked around, blushing madly. "Oh. It was bad. Two out of ten for acting. Three out of ten for presentation. Just plain bad." The other judges agreed with her, though it took a little convincing from Isabella and Buford (the latter with his fist) so that the other boy didn't whip up a complicated equation to explain what went wrong.

"She's way too nice," Melissa mumbled. "I wouldn't give a one to that performance."

Sara stood up. "I'll be back in a minute. I need to chat with Ferb and see if the stage will be safe for us." She awkwardly moved to the aisle, apologizing to various people as she blocked their view.

Milo nodded, engrossing himself in the next skit, where a girl in a Ducky Momo outfit sang about loving a tree. The lyrics were silly, but she was an excellent singer and pulled it off incredibly well. Milo and Zack got up to give her a standing ovation, while Melissa whistled from her seat. The rest of the audience loved it too, and it took several minutes before the applause quieted enough so the judges could give their assessments on it.

"Give it up for my sister, everyone! Next up, we have-" Phineas squinted at his cue card. "Blastweneededagroupname? Strange. Baljeet, didn't you look these forms over?"

"I told you not to let Derek handle the sign-up station but did you listen to me? No, of course not!" Baljeet fired back. "He did this last year too!"

Phineas stared. "All right then," he coughed, a grin quickly returning to his face. "Please welcome Arthur, Frank, and Rebecca!"

His hand swept towards the empty stage. Milo could have sworn he heard crickets.

"Awkward," Sara singsonged as she came back.

"So how'd it go?" Zack asked.

"Pretty well," Sara shrugged. "He agreed to rig up some safety precautions behind the scenes. Well, I think he did. He's not much of a talker."

"Arthur, Frank, and Rebecca?" Phineas repeated for the tenth time. "If you're not on stage in two minutes, we'll have to disqualify you!"

* * *

I couldn't resist putting in the PnF group. I miss them.


	6. Lights, Camera, Traction! Part 2

Savannah and Brick look weird to me. I love their character designs, but I guess I kind of got used to the more unconventionally attractive types. Maybe that's just me.

Ch 6- Lights, Camera, Traction! Part 2: Though the Parting Hurts

* * *

"They're calling us!" Balthazar hissed. "We need to go, Arohbeohte!"

Arohbeohte hugged a column, eyes squeezed shut. Her strength was causing small cracks to appear on the ceiling. She creaked pathetically. Balthazar rubbed his temple. He didn't even know robots could develop stage fright.

"It's only five minutes. It'll end before you know it," Vinnie reassured her, smiling calmly.

Arohbeohte didn't look convinced. She gripped the column even more tightly, the base shaking as it was slowly uprooted from the ground.

"Try to imagine everyone in the audience is invisible," Balthazar suggested.

"I like to use the underwear trick," Vinnie added. "What if your crush was watching? You'd want to give it it your best shot, right?"

Arohbeohte visibly relaxed, keeping a palm braced on the column as she steeled her nerves. Finally, she nodded.

"Rebecca had a case of last-minute stage fright," Balthazar explained to Ferb, who was struggling to secure a thick rope to a handle. "Poor dear. We're terribly sorry for the delay."

Ferb simply pointed to the stage, momentarily letting go of the rope. It flew through the air, hitting a light which sparked and set the cables on fire. Ferb scrambled for the nearest fire extinguisher.

"Sorry!" Vinnie called.

"Arthur, Frank, and Rebecca, everybody!" Phineas waved to them before vacating the stage and sitting down beside the judges.

Balthazar cleared his throat before starting, turning to Arohbeohte. "Lydia, I-um, oh dear," he blushed out of embarrassment. Silently cursing Vinnie and his inexplicable love for teen movies, he continued. "I-uh, have always loved you since, um-about a year ago when you were bravely shoveling mystery meat down your throat. Yeah, that was really brave." He pulled at the collar of his gaudy tropical shirt, sweating.

"No, Lydia! Don't go with this dork!" Vinnie threw his arm out dramatically. "I have the IQ of half a sock puppet but I have a cool car imported from afar! And I don't wear ascots unlike this loser who's so loser-y all the other losers call him a loser and decide to sacrifice him to their loser deity!"

"What? That doesn't make sense!" Balthazar broke character, confused.

"Roll with it," Vinnie whispered. "I'm the jerky star quarterback remember?"

"Fine," Balthazar gritted his teeth and swallowed his pride. "He mistreated all six of his ex-girlfriends, Lydia! Including that popular girl! You know which one I mean!"

Arohbeohte glanced between them, a hand rubbing her chin in contemplation. She motioned for Vinnie to speak.

"Why would you go with him? What's he got? All he does is stay in the school library! And he has bad clothes, I'm willing to bet half my inheritance he doesn't wash his underwear! Not to mention the teeth, and the hair, and the um, eyes," Vinnie trailed off, before realizing what he said. "Wait, no, blue eyes are attractive to girls, forget the last bit."

"So what if I have no social life? I can fix that! Um, we can read Shakespeare together! How about that Tybalt character, eh?" Balthazar elbowed Arohbeohte, grinning awkwardly.

Arohbeohte nodded, turning to Vinnie in case he could come up with a better answer.

"I have a designer tuxedo that probably costs more than your entire family's life savings!" Vinnie shouted. "And it's silk too! So, Lydia, who do you want?"

Arohbeohte threw her arms out and hugged Vinnie. His eyes bulged from the force of the embrace, desperately clawing for air. "C-can't b-b-breathe," he wheezed, collapsing once Arohbeohte released him. "Think I'm gonna lose a lung here!"

"We're done!" Balthazar called to the judges. "I think we'll stop here so my ah-partner, doesn't cough up any vital organs."

"Round of applause to Arthur, Frank, and Rebecca!" Phineas shouted. Nobody in the audience clapped, except for a kid in a sweatervest. "Well, you certainly stunned them into silence! Judges' thoughts?"

"Too cliche for my liking," Baljeet said, giving a thumbs down. "It reminded me way too much of a bad soap opera combined with a teen movie. Zero points on acting. Nilch on presentation."

"I liked the quiet one," Isabella smiled at Arohbeohte. "But Arthur, you and Frank need acting lessons pronto. And that shirt, man. You aren't on a honeymoon to Hawaii! One point for acting. I can't give negative points, so I'll have to settle for zero on presentation."

"It was horrible," Buford crossed his arms. "Zero on both categories."

"Well, there goes this plan," Vinnie commented as they walked off the stage. "It was fun though, right?"

Arohbeohte nodded, nudging Balthazar. He looked up from his fuming. "I suppose we'll have no choice but to report to the boss. Another mission, failed."

"But the important thing is we had fun!" Vinnie said. "And Arohbeohte gained confidence!"

Balthazar sighed. He was not looking forward to making their report.

* * *

Mr. Block shook an empty mixed-nuts can at them threateningly. "Delaware. Cankadore. Remind me of your mission."

"Save the world," Balthazar muttered, resisting the urge to deck his boss.

"That would be a competent time traveler's mission," Mr. Block growled. "Yours."

"Enter a contest and win so we could get the grand prize," Vinnie replied. "Though i don't get what's so grand about perishables-"

"Food aren't the only things in this time-forsaken future that are perishable. Teleport H54T9U to the Time Travel Bureau at once. I don't hold out much hope for it anyway. It was just the runt of the batch and was practically assigned to janitor from the moment of creation," Mr. Block ordered.

"Her name is Arohbeohte. A as in appendix, r as in rainbow, o as-," Balthazar elbowed Vinnie so he didn't waste Mr. Block's time. Though Balthazar suspected Mr. Block thought everything was a waste of time. "And she's been a great companion. We are not sending her back until you promise to call her by that name and treat her well. And let her confess to her crush."

"A crush?" Mr. Block raised an eyebrow and laughed obnoxiously, to Vinnie and Balthazar's growing irritation. "On who? A tin can? Maybe a really broken down car?"

"You will not patronize her like that, sir," Balthazar said. "Her crush is as valid as anyone else's." Vinnie stared at him, his jaw nearly hitting the floor in shock. "Furthermore, aside from a few hiccups, she has proven herself to be a trusted ally in protecting pistachios."

"Speaking of protecting pistachios, whose idea was it to commission these robots for that sort of thing anyway?" Vinnie asked. "Wouldn't they be more useful in the taking over the world department with lasers, death rays, and other cool weapons?"

"It was a bet. My final order for today is to send H54T9U to headquarters immediately," Mr. Block growled. "Block, signing off. Gerald owes me a hundred bucks."

As soon as the communicator switched off, Vinnie crushed Balthazar in an embrace. "I knew you cared, Balthy! You just don't like to admit it!" Balthazar's mustache quivered as he struggled to escape.

"I could hardly let him insult Arohbeohte," Balthazar retorted quickly. "He did not witness her destructive capabilities firsthand."

They broke apart, Vinnie poking him in the chest. Balthazar did not like that knowing smirk that spread across Vinnie's face. "You know how burnt marshmallows have a kind of charm to some people?"

"No," Balthazar grumbled, turning away so Vinnie couldn't see his blush.

"Well, first you roast them until they're all brown and unappealing on the outside, but once you bite that part off there's a bunch of mushy, gooey sugar in the middle. And then you can stick it into a s'more or just eat it off the stick," Vinnie grinned.

Balthazar groaned against Arohbeohte's metal knee _. I am not a burnt marshmallow, I am not a burnt marshmallow_ , he repeated to himself. _Ugh, must he always use food metaphors so freely_?

Once Balthazar cleared his head, he realized they had no choice but to send Arohbeohte back. They couldn't exactly do much since they were at the bottom of the pecking order. "Arohbeohte, we cannot defy Mr. Block's order. We have to send you back to headquarters."

"Make sure you eat your veggies, and brush before bed, and wipe your feet before you step inside a building-" Vinnie sniffled into a tissue. "I'll miss you!" Arohbeohte lifted Vinnie up to her chest, placing a giant hand on his back. Balthazar concentrated on a small pebble, just as unwilling to say goodbye. Then Arohbeohte suddenly picked him up too, squeezing him tightly.

Balthazar hesitantly patted Vinnie's back. "She's a big girl. She can take care of herself. Excluding random accidental acts of destruction of course." He offered Vinnie a small handkerchief, which was promptly ruined by tears and snot. "Keep it," Balthazar wrinkled his nose when Vinnie tried to give it back.

After an hour, the entire group calmed down enough so that Balthazar could properly calibrate the Temporal Transporter to send Arohbeohte to headquarters. "Take care!" Vinnie fistbumped Arohbeohte one last time. "Don't forget to write!"

Balthazar opened the channel, a swirling blue portal materializing behind Arohbeohte. "So long," he said softly. "Don't let them give you a hard time."

Arohbeohte nodded, waving goodbye before she slowly walked into the portal. Balthazar mentally counted to ten before switching the Temporal Transporter off, the vortex dissipating into thin air. Balthazar's arm dropped to his side in disbelief, the Transporter cracking slightly as it hit the concrete.

They were a duo again.

* * *

One week later, they had at least five more failed missions under their belt. Balthazar did not want to think about the giant model of an aglet that crushed the pistachio silo they were supposed to be protecting from hungry tourists.

They had decided to take an evening off, just to recuperate for a while. "Man, this movie is terrible," Vinnie commented. "Ducky Momo was not meant to be live-action in the slightest."

Balthazar shifted his position on the cheap recliner, groaning when a spring dug into his back. "Blasted thing," he muttered.

Just as the creepy live-action Ducky Momo opened his stubby arms and slowly waddled to an incredibly scared child, the screen suddenly filled with static, an image of Mr. Block replacing the movie. "Is there a reason for your improper conduct?" he scowled, not missing a beat with his insults.

Balthazar and Vinnie scrambled to their feet, raising their arms in a hasty salute.

Mr. Block scoffed. "Sloppy. I've seen earthworms do better salutes."

"Is there a particular reason why you called, sir? We already met our failure quota for the day," Balthazar asked, unwilling to stomach more reminders of their incompetence.

"Cavendish, you're actually starting to recognize that you're at the bottom! This is too perfect," Mr. Block smirked. "There's a letter addressed to you. Though I can't imagine who would be writing to you in the first place. Check your cabinet."

Vinnie opened the cabinet that doubled as a transporter and held up a large envelope that smelled of motor oil and pistachios.

"At least the new secretary didn't mess this one up. Expect a briefing at 10 sharp tomorrow," the image flickered, replaced by the ending credits of the movie.

"A letter?" Balthazar wondered out loud. "Nobody in the future uses letters anymore."

"I think it's sweet," Vinnie commented. "Hey, Arohbeohte didn't forget us after all! I was so worried about her!"

Balthazar took note of the childish, blocky penmanship on the front of the envelope. "TO VENI DADKOTE AND BELFICZAR CEVEDADSCH," he read, making a mental note to teach Arohbeohte how to spell their names if they ever met again.

"She called me dad! I'm a Dad, Balthy! And so are you!" Vinnie yelped, breaking the seal and pulling out the contents. "Holy moly, we gotta start playing catch, setting a chore list, dress up, sign her up for the city's soccer league-"

"And how, pray tell, do you plan to do that?" Balthazar asked, stunned that she called him dad when he hadn't thought he'd done anything that could be remotely considered good parenting.

Vinnie shrugged. "People are a lot more accepting of robots now."

Vinnie carefully unfolded several sheets of paper, each containing the same large messy scrawl of the envelope. A photo was hidden inside the last one. They studied it in silence, taking in how happy Arohbeohte looked beside her crush, a much taller robot clearly built for defense and outfitted with dangerous weapons. Their arms were wrapped around each other, each flashing the victory sign at the camera.

 _HI, HOW ARE YOU?_

 _THANK YOU FOR THAT FUN DAY WE HAD! CAN WE DO IT AGAIN? HERE'S A PHOTO OF ME AND TITAN! YOU SHOULD MEET HIM SOMETIME! DADKOTE, I'M GLAD YOU TOLD ME TO CONFESS. I WOULDN'T HAVE DONE IT IF YOU HADN'T SUPPORTED ME! CEVEDADSCH, I DON'T THINK YOU LIKED ME AT FIRST AND I'M SORRY IF I MESSED UP BUT THEN YOU WOULDN'T LET THAT MEANIE CALL ME MEAN NAMES AND I STILL LOVE BOTH OF YOU LOTS! HUGS!_

 _WITH LOVE, EROBEATE_

Balthazar wiped his glasses. He hadn't treated Arohbeohte kindly. He hadn't. So why was he still missing her?

"You can always say sorry," Vinnie suggested. He had always been the more perceptive one. "You're just rough around the edges like-"

"If you're going to compare me to a burnt marshmallow again, then you're sleeping outside," Balthazar warned.

"Shutting up," Vinnie replied quickly.

"I believe we have a letter to write. And perhaps we could find a picture frame tomorrow," Balthazar said.

"I'm telling her about the aglet," Vinnie smirked.

"I'll write about the training incident where you collapsed after a few hurdles," Balthazar said.

"That one time we set a superior's eyebrows on fire," Vinnie said.

Balthazar allowed his lips to quirk upwards. "A new troublemaker in the works," he chuckled. The Bureau was going to have their hands full.

* * *

School caught up to me. There will be one more chapter after this, stay tuned!


End file.
